Hester & Tom
by Satkinson
Summary: A short story on Tom and Hester's final moments together.


**The Mortal Engines Quartet is probably my favourite set of books and I always try to read them at least once a year [I know a bit sad right?]. I really love Hester and Tom and the ending to the series always brings a tear to my eyes so I thought maybe I'd give my own take on it though don't expect a happy ending, as much as I'd have liked one in the book.**

**Hester & Tom**

She was dead. It was dead. I didn't really know who or what to call it, this thing that had once been Anna Fang hadn't been her for a long time. She may have had some of Anna's memories, sometimes acted in the same manner but it wasn't her, she'd died a long time ago in my arms. The twisted metal in front of me was nothing like her; it was cold, it was calculating and it had no regard for any human life. This wasn't Anna. Maybe that's why I didn't feel anything for it, didn't feel any remorse for having watched Pennyroyal kill it, there was nothing. I'd said my goodbyes to Anna; this was just a cheap mockery of her.

"_She ... she's dead this time right?" _stammered Pennyroyal as he edged closer to the smoking wreckage of the Stalker, still clutching the lightning gun fiercely in his hands, almost like it had become fused to his flesh. I turned to look at him and despite everything that had happened, everything that would happen I couldn't help but smirk. Professor Nimrod Pennyroyal I thought to myself. It was strange that I still thought of him as a Professor, he was nothing but a fraud and a coward. He'd done so much to hurt me and those I cared about all for himself, to build upon the lies that had made him famous yet here he was a hero of sorts, it actually made me chuckle at the thought. Professor Nimrod Pennyroyal, the man who killed Stalker Fang.

"_She's been dead a long time Professor" _I mutter as I stared down at the Stalker. It twitched every now and then which caused Pennyroyal to yelp a few times in fear but it was definitely finished, it was finally gone "_I think she ..." _I start to say but I can't finish. Such pain, I can't believe how much pain there is as I clutch at my chest, I can't take it! I double over, I'm going to fall. Pennyroyal looks on at me in shock, he doesn't seem to try and help me as I fall forwards. But it doesn't matter. You're there to catch me, no matter what you've always been there to catch me.

"_Good lord boy!" _Pennyroyal gasps, cocking his neck slightly to get a better look at me "_I say is he going to be alright?" _Of course I'm not you idiot I think to myself, this is your fault. You shot me, you're the reason I'm going to die ... all for some bloody book. I feel myself getting angry again which just makes the pain worse as I wince and gasp loudly. My eyes shutting tight as I try and get through the pain. I don't want to be angry, I don't want my last moments to be filled with hate.

"_It's his heart" _you whimper. Your voice seems small, I've never heard it like that before and that frightens me. More than anything else, more that what's going to happen to me hearing you like that terrifies me "_Please don't die Tom" _I hear you whimper again, your voice weak and almost cracking as you gently lower me to the floor. I can feel you holding me tightly, kneeling down over me on the cold floor "_You can't leave me ... I can't lose you again." _I feel a drop of water on my face and then another, it can't be raining I thought ... I can still feel the sun shining brightly. It doesn't take me long to realise and the pain suddenly gets worse in my heart, a different kind of pain ... your crying. I hate it when you cry.

"_Well we've got to get him somewhere ... to a ... to a doctor" _I could hear Pennyroyal mutter and for once in his life he actually sounded sincere, like maybe he did care.

"_It's no use" _I find myself groaning. The worst of the pain had come and gone, just a dull aching in my chest and in my heart as I lay there, I can still feel your tears running down my face. I don't want to open my eyes. I can't bear to see you like this. But I need to see you; I have to see you one last time. I slowly try to open my eyes, they feel like they each weigh a tonne but slowly they begin to open. It's blurry at first I can't see anything as I try and focus, two blurry shapes staring to form in front of me, Pennyroyal stands to the rear looking terrified but I couldn't really care about him. I look up and there you are kneeling over me ... my Hester. My everything.

The first thing that draws my gaze is your hair; it almost glows in the light, your long coppery strands of hair gently blowing in the wind just like they did on the _Jenny_. I've always loved it. Most people were drawn to staring at your more obvious feature but that didn't bother me, it hadn't bothered me for a long time. That scar ... that terrible scar had become almost perfect to me and as much as I knew you'd always wished you didn't have it, to be pretty like ordinary girls, I found myself selfishly happy it was there. It was part of you, part of who you were and I loved everything about you.

"_I saw ... I saw a doctor in Peripatetiapolis" _I stammer. It was hard enough saying that places name at the best of times let along how I was feeling now "_He said ..." _I can barely bring myself to say it as I look up at you, your one open eye filled with tears. I don't want you upset "_He said it was hopeless."_

_"Oh Tom ... oh no please ..." _you sob and I can't stand it. A tear streams down your cheek as you I feel your hands holding me tightly, there trembling. It hurts, everything just hurts. I raise my arm slightly, not caring about the pain as I put my hand to your face, gently wiping the tears away with my thumb as you nuzzle into the palm of my hand. I feel your hand trembling as you search for my other one before finding it, holding it tighter than you've ever held it before. I stroke your soft cheek with my thumb, running it down the groove of your scar like I always did. You're so fragile, so damaged. You'd always tried to hide it, hide everything from people. Your scar, your feelings, your past but I'm glad it was me. I'm glad it was me you shared it all with.

"_Great Poskitt!" _Pennyroyal suddenly cries and starts to go on about finding a doctor of his own but I don't really pay attention to him, how can I possibly tear my attention away from you? I try to sit up, I don't like feeling helpless and pathetic just laying here in front of you but I can't get up. It hurts to breathe let alone try and move as I lean my head back against the floor, sighing in pain as I look at you. I feel my hand against your face trembling; I'm too weak to even hold it up any longer. It starts to pull away from your face but to my relief you take hold of it and keep it pressed softly against your cheek, your warm staggered breath tingling my hand "_Give me the key! I can bring it down and we can all get out of here!" _Pennyroyals voice comes back into focus, I'm not sure what he's said but you don't look best pleased as you glare at him. I remember the first time I ever saw that glare, it was the first look you ever gave me "_Okay then ... you go at fetch it and I'll stay here with Tom." _You go to leave. I don't want you to leave. There isn't any hope for me and I know it and so do you. I want it to be just me and you. Like it used to be.

"_Please stay Het" _I whimper though it's more of weak little whisper. You look down at me and for the first time I think you realise that there is no way out for me this time. After everything we've been through together, every danger that had come out way we'd both managed to come out of it when by all rights we should have died a hundred times. But this is it. This is how I'll die. You nod your head slowly, as if resigning yourself to this fact. Without looking away from me you pull the keys to the airship and throw them at Pennyroyal.

"_Bring her around ... and be quick!" _you bark as you sneer at him and almost instantly Pennyroyal dashes off, yelling something about helping his friends, some urgency in him at last as he rushes off into the distance, leaving the two us alone in the sun. Your expression softens again as you turn to face me, holding both my hands in yours. They feel so warm whereas mine seem cold like ice "_It's not fair ... you can't die Tom" _your lower lips trembles as you say it, I squeeze your hands as best I can and smile weakly at you "_Please, you can't die!"_

"_I don't think ... our lives ... have ever been fair" _I manage to stutter and it's true they haven't. My mind wanders back to my life aboard London, it seems so long ago. Thoughts turn to my parents, killed before I barely got to know them and how my life had been turned upside down, falling apart as I fell to the earth from the bowels of London and into your life. I don't like thinking about your life. I never have. It makes me sad and angry that someone like you, someone perfect like you had to go through all that and makes me guilty that I moaned how bad life was. It never really got better from then on, running into danger at every turn, caught up in all this. At least we were together though.

"_I wish my mum had never found that stupid MEDUSA" _you hiss as you start sobbing again, rocking back and forth on your knees gently as you rub my hands, trying to warm them up "_Then you'd never have been tricked by Valentine, you'd never have been shot" _you sob "_You could have lived happily on London and grown old with someone beautiful. It's all my fault ... it's all my families fault!" _you cry out, cursing yourself and regretting the day your mother ever dug up that infernal I don't regret that day, I'm glad of it.

"_I wouldn't change any of it" _I murmur as I shake my head. You pull a hand away to wipe your eye before grasping a hold of my hand again, a puzzled look on my face, as if asking why I wouldn't want to change it, why I wouldn't want to be living happily elsewhere instead of dying out here in the wild.

"_Why?" _you manage to whisper. I smile.

"_You. Everything that happened ... every twist and turn in my life led me to you. Why would I change that? Why would I stop the best thing that ever happened to me?" _I try to stay composed, I don't want us to both be wrecks but I can't stop myself as I feel my eyes watering. I think back to the day we met, they day I chased you through the engine rooms of London City, desperate to catch the would be assassin of my old hero Valentine. I had thought you were going to be a beautiful assassin from the East but the reality had shocked me. It seemed so strange to me now that your scar had ever bothered me, how I had recoiled at the sight of you. I hated my younger self for being so petty but you never made it easy. You were so mean, so uncaring towards me that by all rights I should have left you as soon as I got the chance but I'd never met anyone like you, you were violent and hostile towards me at times yet caring the very next moment. It was strange but even at that young age I knew I had to have you "_You made my life a wonderful adventure Het. I would never want to have it turn out differently." _You let out a wail as you almost fall onto me, holding me tightly as you bury your face into my neck, sobbing and crying into it. I try my best to hug you back, just having the energy to wrap my arms around you as I hold you, pressing my nose into your hair I feel tears streaming down my face. I'm close now. It's almost time. I kiss the top of your head as I start to feel myself growing weaker and weaker, my hands slowly sliding off of you. I feel you kiss my neck as you pull slowly away from me, your copper hair slightly covering your face as you look at me. I don't know how long we hold each other like this ... it could just be a few moments but it seems like forever.

"_I can't do this Tom ... I can't do it without you" _you whimper as you lean your face close to mine. I take in every last detail I can, every imperfection and every perfection that is you. Your face starts to become blurred in my vision, I do my best to keep the image in my mind though, wanting you to be the last thing on this earth I ever see.

"_Yes you ... can Het" _I try to smile but it's more of a wince "_You're the strongest ... person I know. You'll be fine without ... foolish old Tom" _I say with a laugh, coughing slightly as I do. You manage a smile of your own through the tears, that crooked smile that used to greet my every morning I woke up next to you.

"_I'm nothing without you."_

_"Yes you are ... your Hester. Perfect, wonderful and beautiful Hester." _You face starts to go suddenly blotchy as I realise your blushing. Even after all these years you still blush whenever I call you beautiful, like you don't believe that anyone could call you that. I always have though and I told you it as much as I could.

"_Tom ... I love you" _I hear you whisper into my ear as you lean close, the crooked end of your nose gently brushing my earlobe and I can feel myself smiling.

"_I ... love you" _is all I can manage but that's all I ever wanted to say. I feel your warm lips press against mine one final time, wet with your tears but it doesn't bother me. I kiss you back as hard as I can, wanting it to last forever but I know it can't. I start to go, like I'm almost drifting away up into the sky. Your face stays firmly in my mind, your lips against mine the last feeling I'll ever know as I leave you alone down there. I don't want to leave you.

* * *

I'm alive. Well I'm not really in fact I think I'm very much dead. It's not too bad though I guess. The pain is all gone and I actually feel better than I ever did whilst I was living, so fresh so ... alive. I look down at myself to find I'm wearing my old aviatrix clothes, the exact same I used to wear travelling around the world on the _Jenny. _I have no idea how I'd gotten in them, I'd lost them years ago but here they are with me which gets me wondering ... where am I? I look around, it's dark at first but suddenly everything starts to become clear, everything around me starts to become familiar. I'm aboard the _Jenny Haniver?! _I can't believe it, I can hardly understand it but I find myself not wanting to. I rush out of my compartment and duck beneath the wiring and pipes, giddy with excitement as I step into the front section of the gondola, my eyes widening with delight as I see the control panel, almost wanting to cry.

I step forwards and place my hands down onto the metal surface. It feels so real. Slowly I reach forwards and wrap my hands around the wheel, running my hands over the smooth polished wood as I smile. I never thought I'd see the _Jenny _again, never thought I'd get that feeling of being behind her controls. It feels amazing. I look out through one of the viewing windows at the bright sky in front of me, not a cloud in the sky and a gentle wind. Perfect flying weather I beam!

"_Hester! Get ready with the ..." _I call out before stopping in my tracks. You're not here, how could you be? I glance behind me over my shoulder and the sight of the empty gondola hits me hard. There's nobody, no Hester, no Wren and I even find myself missing that oaf Pennyroyal for some reason. I'm alone. I wish you were here Hester, I wish you were with me I find myself thinking before suddenly becoming angry with myself and how selfish I am. You're dead Tom! How could you wish Hester was here with you as well?! My eyes start to well up with tears as I wipe them away on my sleeve, an aching pain in my heart as I think about you, alone down there. I find myself praying that Pennyroyal returns, that he takes you away from that place, away from me and you can start a new life somewhere quite, somewhere peaceful like you deserve. Maybe you'll find Wren and tell her how much we both love her and you can look after her. I find myself crying uncontrollably, glad that you're not here to see it. It seems like I always cried in front of you, I did it the day we met and I always asked myself what could draw someone like you to a snivelling little London boy like me? Whatever it had been I was glad of it. I wipe my tears away and shake my head to try and clear my thoughts, leaning up on my tiptoes to gaze downwards out of the window. Where once the earth was filled with vast swathes of mud I almost stagger backwards at the sight of lush fields and verdant forests stretching as far as the eye can see. I've never seen anything like it; it's alien to me yet at the same time ... feels strangely familiar like this was the world I've always lived in, far away from Traction Cities and Stalkers. If this is the Sunless Country then it's paradise! I wonder if maybe my parents are here? Who knows, maybe even Katherine is here, Anna Fang and all the Historians from London as well! I suppose I'd be glad to even see Valentine! I grab onto the wheel firmly and flex my hands, reaching down to start the ignition for the engines, waiting for that wonderful sound of them humming into life.

"_Tom?" _I freeze immediately. My whole body seems to go cold as I hear that voice from behind me, soft and slightly afraid. I stand there totally still, trying to work out whether my mind is playing tricks on me. I pull my hand slowly away from the ignition and let go of the wheel ... no that was no trick. That was real.

"_Tom? Is that ... is that you?" _ I hear the voice again and I know it's you; I don't even need to turn and confirm it. I'd know your voice anywhere and suddenly it dawns on me. Your here. I get a sick feeling deep down in my stomach as I realise what this means ... what you've done. I feel myself shaking, at first I'm not sure why but I soon realise I'm shaking with anger. 'How could you do this!' I want to yell at you. 'How could you be so foolish!' I find myself wanting to scream at you, just wanting to grab you and shake you for being such a stupid girl! I can't even look at you. You've thrown your life away and for what? Me? How could you?! I just want to hate you so much right now!

But I don't. I can't. I'd be lying to myself if I blamed you for what you did. I'd do the same. It seems selfish of me to think like that. I think of my daughter, I think of Wren and how I'd just abandon her to be with you and feel ashamed of myself.

_"Tom ... it's me. It's Hester" _I here you say, closer this time. I close my eyes and slowly turn around, I hope against hope that I'm somehow mistaken, that this isn't really you and just my mind messing with me as I turn around. I can tell your right in front of me but I still don't want to look. I can hear you trembling, your breathing is loud and slightly panicked ... you're afraid, you're afraid of me and how angry I look. I'm not angry. I open my eyes slowly and there you are. My Hester. My Hester Shaw, perfect down to every last detail "_I'm ... I'm sorry ... I ... I couldn't" _you start to explain but I don't care about that anymore. I gently place both my hands on your shoulders, your back in your old aviatrix gear like mine as my hands crumple your jacket slightly as I squeeze gently.

"_Shhh it's alright Het ... it's alright" _I say softly to try and soothe you, your crying again. I bring both my hands up to your face, gently sliding them over your neck as I cradle your face lovingly in my hands, gently stroking your cheeks with my thumbs as my fingers slide into your hair. You close your eyes, letting out a soft little moan as you almost melt in my hands. There's so much I can think of to say to you. How nothing you did, no matter how bad it was, could ever stop me from caring about you ... from loving you but I don't need to say it, I don't need to say anything. I lean close, your scent filling my head as I press my lips against yours. I try to be gentle, try to have a soft romantic kiss but I can't help myself as I kiss you firmly, your arms reaching up to hook around my neck as mine slide down your body, my hands around your lower back as I hold you close you close against me. I feel warm all over, tingling everywhere as I kiss you; reminding me of our first ever kiss and how it had made me feel back then. I don't want to let you go, I think I could hold you like this forever but you slowly and reluctantly break our kiss, gently kissing my chin as you do.

"_What about Wren?" _you ask a hint of guilt in your voice and I know your regretting how things had turned out with her but deep down she loved you and I know you did too. It makes me sad to think about her, how I'll never see her grow up and blossom into the amazing women I know she'll be. She'll find her own way though, just like we did.

"_She'll be fine. She's got your strength and my brains" _I smirk, my hand gently rubbing your lower back as your fingers play with my hair "_The worlds her oyster, it doesn't stand a chance."_

_"What about us? What do we do?" _you ask, looking around nervously. I haven't really given it much thought either. This is the Sunless Country; I wasn't sure what you did here.

"_Well ... we've got the Jenny again" _I say nodding over at the controls before turning back to face you _"We can go anywhere we like" _I smile as we break out hug and step to the front of the gondola, standing over the controls that seemed not to have changed one bit since they last saw them.

"_I don't care" _you sigh gently as you lean up on your toes to place a soft kiss on my cheek "_As long as we're together" _you whisper.

"_Always" _I smile. I glance down to see your hand at my side and I take a hold of it firmly, our fingers linking together as we stare out at the vast unknown in front of us. It seems daunting at first, I wouldn't even begin to know where to go or what to do but as you squeeze my hand I'm instantly put at ease. I flick a couple of switches and soon the engines roar into life, the gondola gently shaking as the propellers start to turn, slowly at first but gradually picking up speed. I stare out the window and pick a spot in the clear sky. Yeah ... that'll do I think to myself as I lazily start to steer the _Jenny _to the left.

"_I love you Tom" _I hear you say in a way I don't think I've ever heard it said before. I know you've always meant it when you've said it but somehow it just feels ... so true this time. I turn to look at you and we share a look that I can't help but smile as I squeeze your hand back tightly.

"_I love you to Hester" _I say softly as the _Jenny _starts to lurch off towards the spot in the sky. It doesn't really matter what's out there or where we're heading just that it's me and you together again. Hester and Tom.


End file.
